Protected: Sad and confused

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Weight woes and general..

Weight has not reduced even after all these trials. On some weeks I go religiously to gym 4 times a week, followed by no gym.

This is causing my weight to fluctuate.

The winter is not helping either.

I have lost 6 lbs in SUmmer in a month and I gained all of it ba in the last 1 month.

Also the stress regarding S’s company, the stress at work, and the guilt regarding leaving Bubbu at daycare: all this is not helping the weight either.

I eat a lot when I get stressed and this is one of the primary reasons.

I eat when I am homsick.

I eat when I am hungry.

I eat when I feel bpored.

I eat when I feel like having something.

I have terrible cravings.

Sometimes I feel I should stop thinking of weight and just go with the flow.But this will cause me to put on weight.

Some of my friends are back into pre-pregnancy weight in 6 months.

Some of them gained and lost 40 lbs.

Some of them are having 2nd kids.

But me on the other hand, I am in the same boat.

Did not yet come back to pre-pregnancy weight.

Do not have a promotion…although its long overdue.

Do not have any accomplishments.

I am tired and frustrated of myself.

 

 

Let there be happiness soon…

Its been a little less than a month that we found out that things won’t go according to the plan regarding a certain thing which I cannot disclose here.

I thought I will be ok, we all will be ok but the way this is going…don’t know.It does not look ok so far.

I see extreme sadness and worry  in S’s eyes…something which I don’t usually see in him.

I am the worrying one in the family.

I get worried if Bubbu does not eat.

I get worried regarding a presentation at work.

I get worried if I don’t cook properly for a day.

S has always been the stronger one.

The joyful one.

The one who enjoys and tries to spread joy around.

But for the first time today I saw worry and sadness in him.

Please Swami, please do not break his spirit no matter what.

Please give us strength to pass this storm.

Please give us support to sail away this stormy weather and let there be sunshine, peace , calm and happiness soon in all our lives.

2.5 years old

Dearest Bunni

Its funny how many names we call you by: Ammmamma calls you Bunni, Tataji calls you Bujjibabu, Amma and Dadda call you Bunni/Bunni baby, Rithvik. Pinni calls you Bunni babu with a different tone..no matter how we call you, you know and identify with all these names.
You smile naughtily when you are doing something called “Kothi pani” and says…”kothi…”
You are playing a little more by yourself than before which is a relief after all these years. Now Amma can multitask a little bit while you are playing with your toys.
Your latest love is “Thomas” the train. As soon as you wake up you ask for “choo chooo train”.
You have a “Thomas’ toothbrush.
Although you give us a hard time to brush your teeth, you see Amma brushing and you immediately ask for your brush.
Mornings are soo busy with you trying to play while Amma tries to brush your teeth, give you an oil message , bathe and feed you breakfast. But I love doing all these for my Bunni Babu. I do realise that as time flies, you will be more independent. I already miss the ‘baby’ BUnni when you are just crawling and not walking yet.
You love going to school except for the ‘not eating very well’ part…you seem to be enjoying it.
You know all the  alphabets by the time you were 2 years.
Now you can spell lot of words like: Bulldozer, Rithvik, cat, dog, tractor, happy,Smiley and many many more.
You love numbers and can recognize 1 to 100. You can also recognize 4 digit numbers.
Everytime I tell you something new you ask for the spelling or if Amma is not around you just saw “SMULE” for “SMILE” and Amma corrects you.
Your love for alphabets, numbers and words is just fascinating.
A bigggg kala tika for you.
You were potty trained by Ammamma by around 23 months but recently you started having some “potty accidents” which I read is common in new surroundings (new daycare). But you are no more in diapers except during naptime which is a hugeee achievement. I wish you were sitting on the potty during the “big job” , but we will get there soon .
You want Amma to cuddle and kissie you during bedtime. If Dadda tries to get you to sleep you throw a tantrum until Amma comes and takes over. ::)) Dadda feels very sad when you refuse to go to him.
Food wise, although you are still a picky eater you do have some favorites.
I am waiting for the day when you will ask for dosa/idly/Paratha specifically.
You love cats and whenever you see it, you say “MEowwwwww” in a cute way.
You love love to be around people.
You do miss you Nani and ask for her when you see her photo in the bedroom.
You can almost recite the “Sai Gayatri’ mantran and it is soo cute to listen to you sing along with me.
Over all you are just perfect and I love you the way you are.

LOts of hugs and kisses

Amma

New changes

Very sad today. Feeling little homesick as well.
Bunni’s pinni left today to SF and from there she will be back to Boston with BIL who is flying all the way from Singapore to attend her graduation ceremony next Wednesday.

I do not know when I will see her..hopefully by the end of this yoar when I go home.

On a different note, in-laws are here helping us during the transition phase ; Bunni is going weekly 2 times to the big daycare. He already fell sick twice in the last 2 weeks.Lost a pound also since he is back from Singapore

Sigh..the not so fun part of daycare.

Updates

It has  been 2.5 weeks since Bubbu is back..and we are back to the daily grind.

• Bubbu went to daycare for 4 days in the last 2 weeks and he immediately fell sick with cough,cold, fever.
• The fever,cough,cold gave him relief after 10 days and we were releived…until he broke out in a rash on his entire body and face which would subside only after giving him Benadryl 3 times a day
• His pediatrician thinks its because of the viral fever…we don’t know yet…so waiting for 3 more days..hopefully it will go away..and hopefully its not a food allergy.
• Now I know how parents with allergies feel….and I feel sad…
• His pinni is here..and thats the only reason why I am sane..because of her support and presence. Else I would have just submerged myself into a deep hole
• Bubbu cries a lot when we drop of him off at daycare
• He already lost a pound in the last 2 weeks
• Does not want to eat anything
• Bubbu’s Ammamma and Tataji miss him a lot

Now for the positives

• He has become very naughty and playful.
• Kisses his Amma more than his Dadda and needless to say S is very envious of that
• Knows all his alphabets and can recognize numbers from 1 to 100
• Can differentiate between 1000 and 100
• Makes numbers with belts, cords, or any other device
• Keeps himself very very occupied if he has numbers and alphabets
• If we put food he says “Vaddule vaddule ” and its so cute the way he says that I cannot be angry with him too long
• Gives sloppy kisses to his Amma and enjoys smiles wickedly
• Says ” eyes kitakita ‘ and tries to tickle me with his eye lashes…a trick I taught him

Thankful …

The winter storm came with a big rage…and it snowed and snowed and …snowed all day long. The wind howled …and the snow blowed every where. Businesses closed down. 4000 flights got cancelled. Schools are cancelled.. We were asked to … Continue reading →