This is causing my weight to fluctuate.

The winter is not helping either.

I have lost 6 lbs in SUmmer in a month and I gained all of it ba in the last 1 month.

Also the stress regarding S’s company, the stress at work, and the guilt regarding leaving Bubbu at daycare: all this is not helping the weight either.

I eat a lot when I get stressed and this is one of the primary reasons.

I eat when I am homsick.

I eat when I am hungry.

I eat when I feel bpored.

I eat when I feel like having something.

I have terrible cravings.

Sometimes I feel I should stop thinking of weight and just go with the flow.But this will cause me to put on weight.

Some of my friends are back into pre-pregnancy weight in 6 months.

Some of them gained and lost 40 lbs.

Some of them are having 2nd kids.

But me on the other hand, I am in the same boat.

Did not yet come back to pre-pregnancy weight.

Do not have a promotion…although its long overdue.

Do not have any accomplishments.

I am tired and frustrated of myself.

I thought I will be ok, we all will be ok but the way this is going…don’t know.It does not look ok so far.

I see extreme sadness and worry  in S’s eyes…something which I don’t usually see in him.

I am the worrying one in the family.

I get worried if Bubbu does not eat.

I get worried regarding a presentation at work.

I get worried if I don’t cook properly for a day.

S has always been the stronger one.

The joyful one.

The one who enjoys and tries to spread joy around.

But for the first time today I saw worry and sadness in him.

Please Swami, please do not break his spirit no matter what.

Please give us strength to pass this storm.

Please give us support to sail away this stormy weather and let there be sunshine, peace , calm and happiness soon in all our lives.

Its funny how many names we call you by: Ammmamma calls you Bunni, Tataji calls you Bujjibabu, Amma and Dadda call you Bunni/Bunni baby, Rithvik. Pinni calls you Bunni babu with a different tone..no matter how we call you, you know and identify with all these names.
You smile naughtily when you are doing something called “Kothi pani” and says…”kothi…”
You are playing a little more by yourself than before which is a relief after all these years. Now Amma can multitask a little bit while you are playing with your toys.
Your latest love is “Thomas” the train. As soon as you wake up you ask for “choo chooo train”.
You have a “Thomas’ toothbrush.
Although you give us a hard time to brush your teeth, you see Amma brushing and you immediately ask for your brush.
Mornings are soo busy with you trying to play while Amma tries to brush your teeth, give you an oil message , bathe and feed you breakfast. But I love doing all these for my Bunni Babu. I do realise that as time flies, you will be more independent. I already miss the ‘baby’ BUnni when you are just crawling and not walking yet.
You love going to school except for the ‘not eating very well’ part…you seem to be enjoying it.
You know all the  alphabets by the time you were 2 years.
Now you can spell lot of words like: Bulldozer, Rithvik, cat, dog, tractor, happy,Smiley and many many more.
You love numbers and can recognize 1 to 100. You can also recognize 4 digit numbers.
Everytime I tell you something new you ask for the spelling or if Amma is not around you just saw “SMULE” for “SMILE” and Amma corrects you.
Your love for alphabets, numbers and words is just fascinating.
A bigggg kala tika for you.
You were potty trained by Ammamma by around 23 months but recently you started having some “potty accidents” which I read is common in new surroundings (new daycare). But you are no more in diapers except during naptime which is a hugeee achievement. I wish you were sitting on the potty during the “big job” , but we will get there soon .
You want Amma to cuddle and kissie you during bedtime. If Dadda tries to get you to sleep you throw a tantrum until Amma comes and takes over. ::)) Dadda feels very sad when you refuse to go to him.
Food wise, although you are still a picky eater you do have some favorites.
I am waiting for the day when you will ask for dosa/idly/Paratha specifically.
You love cats and whenever you see it, you say “MEowwwwww” in a cute way.
You love love to be around people.
You do miss you Nani and ask for her when you see her photo in the bedroom.
You can almost recite the “Sai Gayatri’ mantran and it is soo cute to listen to you sing along with me.
Over all you are just perfect and I love you the way you are.

LOts of hugs and kisses

Amma

I do not know when I will see her..hopefully by the end of this yoar when I go home.

On a different note, in-laws are here helping us during the transition phase ; Bunni is going weekly 2 times to the big daycare. He already fell sick twice in the last 2 weeks.Lost a pound also since he is back from Singapore

Sigh..the not so fun part of daycare.

• Bubbu went to daycare for 4 days in the last 2 weeks and he immediately fell sick with cough,cold, fever.
• The fever,cough,cold gave him relief after 10 days and we were releived…until he broke out in a rash on his entire body and face which would subside only after giving him Benadryl 3 times a day
• His pediatrician thinks its because of the viral fever…we don’t know yet…so waiting for 3 more days..hopefully it will go away..and hopefully its not a food allergy.
• Now I know how parents with allergies feel….and I feel sad…
• His pinni is here..and thats the only reason why I am sane..because of her support and presence. Else I would have just submerged myself into a deep hole
• Bubbu cries a lot when we drop of him off at daycare
• He already lost a pound in the last 2 weeks
• Does not want to eat anything
• Bubbu’s Ammamma and Tataji miss him a lot

Now for the positives

• He has become very naughty and playful.
• Kisses his Amma more than his Dadda and needless to say S is very envious of that
• Knows all his alphabets and can recognize numbers from 1 to 100
• Can differentiate between 1000 and 100
• Makes numbers with belts, cords, or any other device
• Keeps himself very very occupied if he has numbers and alphabets
• If we put food he says “Vaddule vaddule ” and its so cute the way he says that I cannot be angry with him too long
• Gives sloppy kisses to his Amma and enjoys smiles wickedly
• Says ” eyes kitakita ‘ and tries to tickle me with his eye lashes…a trick I taught him

The wind howled …and the snow blowed every where.

Businesses closed down.

4000 flights got cancelled.

Schools are cancelled..

We were asked to work from home just to be safe…and glad I took the option after Monday’s adventure driving in the snow.

Today I woke up to a snow covered scenery;  there is snow  up to  half of our backyard patio door!!!!!!!!!!

And the driveway had 15 inches of snow.

I started off with a shovel…and man..it is a lot of tiring work.

It took me 1 hour to clear up 1/4 of our driveway.

I used our smaller electric snowblower too…andby the end of the 1 hour I was exhausted.

My back ached, my feet felt numb, chin felt numb, pants are covered with snow…

I was ready to fall apart.

Our kind neighbour ( Bill) saw me struggling , and told me that he will help out after he is done with his driveway.

So he comes along with his big snowblower….and does my entire driveway in like 20 mins.

The power of toolssss………amazing.

And the funny thing is..he just generally stopped by to help, no big deal or a scene created…just came over and just cleared up all te snow on the driveway.

We have very good neighbours ( B&B) and this is one of the reason why I do like our neighbourhood. They are very active both in their late 60s. Wonderful and charming to be around.

Today I felt thankful…

Right when I loose hope in mankind , something like this happens and makes me cheer up.

For the first time in my life, I seriously considered quitting work..right at that moment.

I have an action plan in order to do this.

Only discipline and action on my part will make me accomplish the goals I have.

I know what to do, I know how to do..just need to do it.

I need the courage to take action .

Enough said for now.

So thats what we did last evening;

The company parking lot was almost empty by 5 PM .

I wanted to go to the gym badly and the usual time of 10 minutes took me 45 mins after driving like 5 mph on the highway behind a very bad traffic jam.

My rear tyres were slipping  badly and at one point I thought I will be in the ditch..but luckily survived.

There were couple of cars which did end up in the ditch.

Outside our bedroom window snow and ise are falling like a huge powdery mix.  I can barely see where the road is and where the sidewalk is.

But there is a beauty in the picture…never thought I will say this ( since I am not a big fan of cold weather ).

So here I am in a house arrest trying to “work” and it is tough to work from home.

There are like a million distractions ( food is one, followed by books, TV, browsing and a million other things)

And it kind of gets boring after a while not seeing anyone else except for thyself.

Feel like kissing Bubbu ..

Flying kisses to Bubbu….

Hope this winter ends quickly and you will be here with us in May.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/fitness_articles.asp?id=1595

The first step to setting realistic goals is to really think about your goal and write it down.

Then, ask yourself these three questions:
1. How big is the goal? Is your goal only attainable in three months or more? If so, make a smaller goal or goals to get you to that long-term goal. Ideally, you should be able to reach the smaller goal in two to six weeks.

2. What does it take to achieve the goal? This question addresses your goal’s frequency. If reaching your goal requires five workouts a week, but you can only get a babysitter two days a week, then you need to scale back your goal. Be realistic about what time you have to devote to the goal and be honest about your fitness level. Building your fitness base takes time, and being smart about increasing it will help you stay injury-free. As a general rule, never increase your weight lifted or your minutes exercised by more than 10 percent in any given week. Slow and steady really does win the race!

3. Can you see yourself reaching the goal? You want a program that you can stick with for the long haul—not just this week. Be completely honest with yourself and ask if you can realistically see yourself doing what it takes to achieve the goal at hand. If you can and it meets the above criteria, then you probably have a goal within your reach!

So below is my smaller goal:
Loose 5 lbs by Feb 9,2011

And below  is my long term goal:
Loose 16 lbs by May 1,2011

I have been struggling with my weight after post-baby. And in this case the weight just refuses to come off no matter how much less food I eat and the workouts I do. It just drops and then increases…its like a cycle.

Currently I weigh 165 lbs.
Goal is to get to < 150 lbs by May 1,2011 ( I will be happy even if I reach 149.5 lbs)

So oh universe, help me.

The only option would be to  get doing what you meant to do in the beginning.

To get going, 1 step at a time, 1 day at a time.

It is tough..but that is the only option.

To move forward and do what is necessary is the only way.